The Art of Compassion

A great man once said,
“If you want others to be happy, practice compassion.
If you want to be happy, practice compassion.”

That man is His Holiness the Dalai Lama, spiritual and political leader of Tibet. I have seen the Dalai Lama twice in my life. His infectious smile, his curiosity about other cultures, and his love of life, travel and adventure remind me of another great man, -- my Grandfather, Harold Iverson, or as I started calling him when I was one, “Pops.”

Pops was a man of compassion. He practiced this compassion in his skillful plumbing and woodworking and in trips cross-country to attend graduations and do home projects. He practiced compassion through insightful questions that he asked during international phone calls and in handwritten letters. Two weeks ago, when I slept in a bed next to him, he practiced compassion by watching the clock all night and ringing his bell at exactly 3:55am to make sure I wouldn’t oversleep and miss my flight, - - even though it meant we had to say our final good-byes. He was taking care of me while I was supposed to be on watch taking care of him. He was innately loving. It’s who he was.

This was especially evident through his acceptance of his family’s choices and the unconditional love and support he gave us. While I never doubted this, it was made evident to me 4-5 years ago when I was living in Japan. I received one of his hand-written letters, full of curious questions asking about the food I ate, how I managed with chopsticks, was I learning Japanese, and about the exorbitant price of watermelon. It also had family updates and the latest news from Pops’ and Marge’s garden. But this particular letter was special and one I’ll never forget. Pops wrote that he was proud of me for following my own path, for not feeling I had to follow societal pressures and norms. He was 100% supportive of my efforts to travel and see the world - - to follow my own dreams. He knew my path to happiness was my own and he honored me for being honest with myself.

There are many spoken and unspoken expectations in society. I have met some and not met others. I’m okay with that. Though my path is different, Pops never judged me and never questioned my choices. He only encouraged and supported me in my quest to find happiness. In our last hours together, Pops said, “As long as you are happy, go ahead”.

Our family has had its share of divisiveness, hurt, and pain, - - but as I reflect on Pops’ life and all that he stood for, I’ve learned a great lesson from him, that perhaps I will never master as well as he, ...the art of true compassion. I strive to follow his example and to honor the life he led; to be a more compassionate loving person in my own life each day.

The Dalai Lama said:

“Love and compassion are necessities, not luxuries.
Without them humanity cannot survive.”

Pops has just made his greatest journey. He leaves us with lots of stories and memories but more importantly the example he set--that compassion should sit at the core of one’s life. I’d like the rest of my life’s journey to be filled with the same spirit. - - Pops will always be with me, guiding the way.

The Biggest Journey

My grandfather just made the biggest journey of his life. He was adored by many and will be greatly missed. Thank you for the memories, the stories, the support and the unconditional love and compassion.

I love you Pops.

My mom wrote a wonderful account of our memories of him and his life on her blog: Woman...on the loose!

Mujer en el flojo!

I've just signed on for another year in India and my sister has just started her 4th year in Korea. No point in sitting around and waiting for us to come 'home', so my parents are applying for the Peace Corps...how cool is that! Yes, I have cool parents! Here is the latest update in their application adventure posted on my mom's blog: Mujer en el flojo! Woman...on the loose!

Internationalizing Thanksgiving

'Suband' -- Co-hosts of the tastiest Chennai Thanksgiving Party, 2008.

We've been talking about this event for several months, but actual preparation only started the night before -- shopping in the monsoon rain! After work I ventured out in my raincoat (no umbrella) and hit up the import grocery store for cranberry sauce and ranch dressing mix, the supermarket for things like flour and of course the fruit and vegetable market. On a good day I would walk to all of these places, but given the rain and the quantity of food being purchased, I hired an auto to chauffeur me around for a whopping 50 rps ($1US as of today's rate). All of you reading this in the US, Japan, and UK might think--'hot damn, what a bargain'. But, I take the bus to work for 5rps or $.10US round trip -- so it's actually very luxurious and extravagant to spend so much for transportation!

We invited people to come at 7pm because Saturday is a working day and dinner is a late affair here. Plus we were hoping to have a rooftop dinner party under a starry sky! Even though I started cooking at 10am, and with all day to prepapre, it was still rushed and we were still cooking even as guests arrived. Sadly, Hamsa is one of the unlucky ones that has to work on Saturday but was able to get 1/2 a day off. While I was sweating buckets in the kitchen, she was braving the rain running around town collecting last minute items: corn, extra plates, a microwave, and twinkle lights.

Most food preparation is done on the floor. At first it seems odd, but actually it makes a lot of sense. It's easier on the back to sit and chop. The kitchen doesn't have a fan and gets really hot. Plus the floor is swept and mopped (almost) everyday, so it's clean!

Every Thanksgiving meal must include mashed potatoes and gravy. This was no exception, although it was a completely vegetarian meal!

Our kitchen fits one comfortably, two if you don't mind bumping elbows and three or more only if you don't mind slow dancing really close!

The final line-up prepared and/or provided by the Suband Team: Fried rice catered from Saravana Bhavan, mashed potatoes, gravy, stuffing, cranberry sauce, fruit salad, garlic green beans, sweet butter corn, yogurt raita, apple pie filling, applati (apple-chappati pie), banati (banana-chappati pie), and cucumber and carrot sticks with ranch dressing. But because it was a potluck, we also had sambar-idli, dosa, pulao, vegetable curry, rotis, tomato gravy, cakes, pastry items, Indian sweets, and kesari. Our tiny kitchen was literally overflowing with food!

Interesting fact: the idea of 'potluck' doesn't exist in India. So inviting people to a potluck caused some confusion and comments like "Why would I bring my own food to someone's house when I can eat it at home?" Another person thought they had to bring food ONLY for themselves and eat it at someone's house. In the end, EVERY Indian (except 1) brought store or restaurant food, nobody else brought homemade food except the Americans! Considering American culture is often criticized for its obsession with pre-packaged food, fast food and eating out, I found this very interesting.

'Thanksgiving' was a first for most of our guests. So I took a few minutes to explain the different foods. Thank goodness we had two rice dishes in addition to the 'American food'. I think everyone liked to try the new foods, but they were not overly popular with the Indian crowd.

The food did receive 'thumbs-up' from Hamsa's family!

Personally, the exciting thing about sharing thanksgiving in other countries is gathering people with various backgrounds and watching them interact, connect, network and make friends. In attendance we had Indians, NRIs, Indian-Americans, non-Indian Americans, Christians, Hindus, Muslims, doctors, med students, fellows (AIF, Fogarty, & Watson), college students, NGO professionals, HIV/AIDS activists, and education activists. Phew--it was a fascinating mix and many numbers were exchanged!

Pre-dinner lounging while we wait for all the guests to arrive! Sadly, it was raining most of the night and our rooftop idea was impossible to implement. Mr. Christopher (far right) had planned and brought games to play with the group but there just wasn't enough space since we were all packed into our very tiny apartment.

There was more than enough food for everyone! In fact, most guests left with more food than they brought--the true sign of a good Thanksgiving meal!

Our landlord's sons came up and tried the food...although polite, I think it got mixed reviews. They seemed to prefer the fried rice and veg curry options.

In addition to friends and family, we invited lots of our co-workers. This is me, my 'supervisor' (although she HATES that title), and her husband. It was fun to hang-out with them after work.

Food Coma!

I realized last night that I haven't actually celebrated Thanksgiving in the US since 2002! The last six years I've celebrated in India 3 times and Japan 3 times! I don't have any pictures from the 2003 Thanksgiving feast, that was before my digital camera era. But the other events are pictured below. Each year has taken a slightly different twist. In Japan there was always a turkey and apple & pumpkin pie, not to mention the famous door prizes! Last year in Dharamsala, we were unable to prepare food for all of our Tibetan students, so we just served brownies and tea. And this year it was a rainy vegetarian feast! Where will I celebrate Thanksgiving next year?

A Tibetan Thanksgiving Dharamsala, India 2007

A Festive Funami Thanksgiving Toyama, Japan 2006

A Festive Funami Thanksgiving Toyama, Japan 2005

Nyuzen's First Thanksgiving -- Toyama, Japan 2004

Christmas in Madurai, India

Christmas of 2007 will go down in the family history book as unique and special. As a family we made a conscious decision to celebrate this year with as little of the traditional materialistic fanfare as possible. On Christmas Day there were no stockings, no cinnamon rolls, no tree and no presents from Santa. As much as I love all of those traditions, it was refreshing to wake up and acknowledge the day as most any other day. Instead of focusing on unwrapping unneeded items for hours with obligatory 'ooh' and 'ahh' or 'i've always wanted....' (but not really meaning much of it), we headed off for a day of fun and celebration with some truly amazing kids and volunteers!

Instead of cinnamon rolls and coffee we ate masala dosai, onion othappum and idli at our favorite local restaurant, Meenakshi Bhavan. We took one of the SEED Plan volunteers and her mother out with us to celebrate the Christmas morning! We only found out later that it was the FIRST time her mother had eaten in a restaurant. At the risk of sounding colonial, it was fun to be able to give her an experience she had not had before. It wasn't a fancy restaurant, it wasn't extravagant by any stretch of the imagination, but her life situation has never given her that opportunity to be served. She has always served others.

After breakfast we convened at the SEED center with all the volunteers and other visitors and got into two vans headed for the other two SEED centers in Sambakudi and Thathenary. Each center was decked out in decorations, drawings and the students at each center had dances, songs and speeches prepared to celebrate the day!


Our very small contribution to the festivities was cake for each of the centers. In the US cake is purchased by size, in India you purchase it by weight. So in total, we purchased over 9kgs (20lbs) of cake for the 3 centers! It was ALL happily devoured! We also sang with each of the groups. It wasn't very elaborate, but we also sang some pretty enthusiastic rounds of "We Wish You A Merry Christmas". I didn't know it could be so much fun (or loud)!

After visiting the two outlying centers, we returned to Madurai and went back to Meenakshi Bhavan for meals! All the volunteers and visitors crammed into the restaurant and gorged on rice, sambar, rasam, vegetables, papads, curd and sweets. Again, this was the first time some of these volunteers had eaten a 'South Indian meal' as such!


After lunch we had one more event at the main SEED Center in Karumpalai. Two of the kids were dressed as Ms. & Mr. Claus! They must have been cooking under that outfit, but they didn't seem bothered and played the part for the festivities! At one point they did a dance and gave out presents from their little bags. It was all very very cute!

No function or event at the SEED Centers is complete without lots of singing and dancing!!! It is what they do best! It is always great fun to see their amazing choreography and new cinema dance moves!



It was a very very Merry Christmas!! It wasn't traditional, but it was very memorable--spending time with amazing kids and volunteers, being together as a family, sharing and celebrating with so many people in a different country! And there were no presents to return, no decorations to put away, no tree to dismantle, and no after Christmas sales to bother with!! I think this is the kind of Christmas I'd like to recreate in the future!

Remembering My Dear Aunt Mary

Yesterday my dear Aunt Mary passed away. She had been struggling with lukemia for a few months. She spent over a month in the hospital until everyone realized her time was limited. Thankfully, she was able to return home for her last day, precious time with family, close friends and her dog. I wish I could have been there to say 'good-bye' properly.

Several days ago, I was able to call the hospital and speak to her as the nurse held the phone up to her ear. I think my messages were heard, I sincerely hope so. I honestly didn't think when I said good-bye last January that it would be final. But that is always the lesson--we have to appreciate the time we have with loved ones.

She has been part of my extended Portland family as long as I can remember. She was at all our birthday parties, every holiday gathering and all our family get togethers. While not my aunt by traditional marriage or by blood, she was nonetheless my aunt. I'm embarrased to admit that it has only been in her final weeks that I called her my "Aunt Mary".

One of my favorite memories: My Aunts Mary & Deb took me on my first camping trip...my cousin and I loaded into the back of their station wagon, the backseat bench was piled high with blankets and open sleeping bags to ensure a more than comfortable ride. We felt like queens! The dogs were in the back along with the tent and all the other gear. We drove along the Clackamas River and found a lovely spot near the river bank. We swam, cooked over the fire and took the dogs for walks. I think it was the next summer that we went back again, and I requested the same camp spot because the first time was so memorable.

She always had questions for me about my travels and life, she always listened and gave advice and support! And she always told us crazy stories and brought laughs to every family gathering.

As my dad, the well-spoken family patriarch, so appropriately wrote:

Mary has been a big part of our family for over 25 years. She is loved as a sister, a friend, a partner, and a very dear aunt. She witnessed and fully participated in all our joys, sorrows, accomplishments, and disappointments. She regaled us with stories and always laughed at our jokes. She cheered us on and helped us when we stumbled. We knew that she was always fully there as a supportive caring member of the family. That energy, love, and life force will be remembered and missed.

She was always the life of a gathering and fully engaged, so stories must abound. Everyone must have a favorite pun of Mary's. She was full of "pun."

Steiner Cabin
Originally uploaded by Sistak

At Timberline
Originally uploaded by Sistak

Eating Christmas Dinner
Originally uploaded by Sistak

I don't have access to great photos with me as I travel...but these are some I took when I was home last winter.

As I walk around Lhasa--I remember her in each temple I pass--how much she would love to see the pictures, hear the stories and want to know about life on the other side of the world.

Mary, you are loved and missed! Please give a big hug to grandma & grandpa and max for me!

本当にありがとうございました！

Thank you EVERYONE!

The last few months have been really hard. A friend of mine wisely reminded me that in December I had a nice long vacation at home and spent almost every waking minute with people I absolutely adore! I had lots of attention and I felt very loved by lots of people. And then I came back to Japan, back to my cold apartment, back to work, back to studying and back to being that friend or relative that lives on the other side of the world--far far far away! Out of sight, out of mind. Or that's how it felt! It was a bit shocking and I hit an all time low. I won't get into the details, but there was lots of random crying for no apparent reason. And a lot of self-pity!

An impending birthday didn't help! Actually it just made me fall into the hole even further. I thought I was starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel, but as the big day approached...it got worse and worse and worse! And then, thanks to lots of family and friends all over the world...it got better!! On the big day, I got lots of calls from family and friends! I was surprised to hear from so many people because I never get calls and because these particular people have never called me. It turns out, it was the first international call many of them have EVER made! It was great to hear from them, even if it kept me running out of the staff room and into the storage room every 15 minutes. Thanks MOM...you educated people and got them to make an international call! Hurray!!

After work, I had a dinner planned at a nearby restaurant! Luckily, my friends had a much better plan! In the end it wasn't a total suprise, but it was a good one! And much better than anything I could have thought of for myself!! Thanks guys and gals!! I'll keep the picture books forever...love that idea!!! It was great!! I really really appreciate all the thoughtfulness and planning that went into it!

And then I treated myself to a weekend in Tokyo with a few friends! It was a much needed escape from rurality! So...here are a few pics from the latest adventures!

Hina Matsuri (girls day) Dinner with my teacher's family! It's not exactly international women's day, but it was close....dinner, cake, singing and dancing with three generations + me!

We finally got snow last week!! It was beautiful!! I needed it! I was craving snow and winter and a white snowy expanse! I finally got it!

My friends and neighbors are great!! They threw me a very sneaky surprise party. The perfect kind...a potluck at a friend's house! They know me too well!! It was delicious! Lots of chocolate and lots of wine! Thanks for planning L, I heard you behind the whole thing!!

And of course there was a cake made by Chica-chan!! Thanks!!

Next, I was off to Tokyo! My good friend, Shinji, took me to dinner at an African restuarant. We had fabulous African beer and enjoyed live African drumming!

Kanako, the guys, and I explored Yokohama and ate Thai food!! Delicious!!

Happy Birthday girls!!

A reminder of what's really important...yesterday I said good-bye to "Star wars" teacher. She taught her last day, there was no farewell, no goodbye speech, no announcement during the teachers meeting..she just packed up her desk and left at lunch. She checked in to the hostpital to start her chemo today. She'll be there for a few months. After that her future is unknown.

Baby Emerson

Congratulations!!

My cousin, Anna, gave birth to her first baby a few weeks ago.

This blonde cutie, Emerson Walter, was born at 4:40 p.m. on February 3rd, 2007. He's a big boy! His birth weight was 9lb. 5oz., and he was 20 inches long. He's only 2 weeks old and has out grown his newborn diapers!

I think Emerson is my cousin once removed, but I'm not exactly sure how those familial relationships are categorized. Either way, Anna has always been one of my best friends and like a big sister to me. So, even though Emerson already has two amazing aunts, I hope I can be like an aunt to him--maybe that crazy aunt who'll take him to Egypt or Tasmania or rafting down the Grand Canyon! You name it boy...let's do it!!

I can't wait to meet you!

Just The Photo Highlights

Christmas Festivities!!



















Lots of Quality Family Time!!!

Time with Great Friends!!!!
























And Delicious Delicious American Food!