The Art of Compassion

A great man once said,
“If you want others to be happy, practice compassion.
If you want to be happy, practice compassion.”

That man is His Holiness the Dalai Lama, spiritual and political leader of Tibet. I have seen the Dalai Lama twice in my life. His infectious smile, his curiosity about other cultures, and his love of life, travel and adventure remind me of another great man, -- my Grandfather, Harold Iverson, or as I started calling him when I was one, “Pops.”

Pops was a man of compassion. He practiced this compassion in his skillful plumbing and woodworking and in trips cross-country to attend graduations and do home projects. He practiced compassion through insightful questions that he asked during international phone calls and in handwritten letters. Two weeks ago, when I slept in a bed next to him, he practiced compassion by watching the clock all night and ringing his bell at exactly 3:55am to make sure I wouldn’t oversleep and miss my flight, - - even though it meant we had to say our final good-byes. He was taking care of me while I was supposed to be on watch taking care of him. He was innately loving. It’s who he was.

This was especially evident through his acceptance of his family’s choices and the unconditional love and support he gave us. While I never doubted this, it was made evident to me 4-5 years ago when I was living in Japan. I received one of his hand-written letters, full of curious questions asking about the food I ate, how I managed with chopsticks, was I learning Japanese, and about the exorbitant price of watermelon. It also had family updates and the latest news from Pops’ and Marge’s garden. But this particular letter was special and one I’ll never forget. Pops wrote that he was proud of me for following my own path, for not feeling I had to follow societal pressures and norms. He was 100% supportive of my efforts to travel and see the world - - to follow my own dreams. He knew my path to happiness was my own and he honored me for being honest with myself.

There are many spoken and unspoken expectations in society. I have met some and not met others. I’m okay with that. Though my path is different, Pops never judged me and never questioned my choices. He only encouraged and supported me in my quest to find happiness. In our last hours together, Pops said, “As long as you are happy, go ahead”.

Our family has had its share of divisiveness, hurt, and pain, - - but as I reflect on Pops’ life and all that he stood for, I’ve learned a great lesson from him, that perhaps I will never master as well as he, ...the art of true compassion. I strive to follow his example and to honor the life he led; to be a more compassionate loving person in my own life each day.

The Dalai Lama said:

“Love and compassion are necessities, not luxuries.
Without them humanity cannot survive.”

Pops has just made his greatest journey. He leaves us with lots of stories and memories but more importantly the example he set--that compassion should sit at the core of one’s life. I’d like the rest of my life’s journey to be filled with the same spirit. - - Pops will always be with me, guiding the way.

本当にありがとうございました！

Thank you EVERYONE!

The last few months have been really hard. A friend of mine wisely reminded me that in December I had a nice long vacation at home and spent almost every waking minute with people I absolutely adore! I had lots of attention and I felt very loved by lots of people. And then I came back to Japan, back to my cold apartment, back to work, back to studying and back to being that friend or relative that lives on the other side of the world--far far far away! Out of sight, out of mind. Or that's how it felt! It was a bit shocking and I hit an all time low. I won't get into the details, but there was lots of random crying for no apparent reason. And a lot of self-pity!

An impending birthday didn't help! Actually it just made me fall into the hole even further. I thought I was starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel, but as the big day approached...it got worse and worse and worse! And then, thanks to lots of family and friends all over the world...it got better!! On the big day, I got lots of calls from family and friends! I was surprised to hear from so many people because I never get calls and because these particular people have never called me. It turns out, it was the first international call many of them have EVER made! It was great to hear from them, even if it kept me running out of the staff room and into the storage room every 15 minutes. Thanks MOM...you educated people and got them to make an international call! Hurray!!

After work, I had a dinner planned at a nearby restaurant! Luckily, my friends had a much better plan! In the end it wasn't a total suprise, but it was a good one! And much better than anything I could have thought of for myself!! Thanks guys and gals!! I'll keep the picture books forever...love that idea!!! It was great!! I really really appreciate all the thoughtfulness and planning that went into it!

And then I treated myself to a weekend in Tokyo with a few friends! It was a much needed escape from rurality! So...here are a few pics from the latest adventures!

Hina Matsuri (girls day) Dinner with my teacher's family! It's not exactly international women's day, but it was close....dinner, cake, singing and dancing with three generations + me!

We finally got snow last week!! It was beautiful!! I needed it! I was craving snow and winter and a white snowy expanse! I finally got it!

My friends and neighbors are great!! They threw me a very sneaky surprise party. The perfect kind...a potluck at a friend's house! They know me too well!! It was delicious! Lots of chocolate and lots of wine! Thanks for planning L, I heard you behind the whole thing!!

And of course there was a cake made by Chica-chan!! Thanks!!

Next, I was off to Tokyo! My good friend, Shinji, took me to dinner at an African restuarant. We had fabulous African beer and enjoyed live African drumming!

Kanako, the guys, and I explored Yokohama and ate Thai food!! Delicious!!

Happy Birthday girls!!

A reminder of what's really important...yesterday I said good-bye to "Star wars" teacher. She taught her last day, there was no farewell, no goodbye speech, no announcement during the teachers meeting..she just packed up her desk and left at lunch. She checked in to the hostpital to start her chemo today. She'll be there for a few months. After that her future is unknown.

Going "Home"

The countdown is on: the luggage is out, the shopping is almost done, and the reality of going "home" for the first time in two years is setting in. The list of things to do, people to see, food to eat, etc. grows longer by the day. I hope I can pack it all in. If not, I guess there will always be the next time. Whenever that is.

I have no idea how I'll react to being at "home" or if it will even feel like "home" anymore. Cause really, I've put more time into living in my apartment in rural Japan than anywhere else since I was in middle school. I'm worried that I'll feel like a stranger in my own country. And I'm legitimately worried I won't be able to speak English as quickly as I used to. Or even understand some spoken English.

And I don't know what I'll say when family and friends say, "When are you coming home?" Because really, I find that very annoying. Home is where you make it. Right now my home is in Japan. My family and friends are all over the world, so home can be many places. I just hope I can answer it patiently and without too much sarcasm!

And then when we reach the conclusion that I may or may not be coming "home" anytime soon, I'm afraid there will be nothing left to say. Will they want to hear about Japan? Will I want to talk about it? It's not a wild and crazy adventure anymore, it's just daily living! On the flip side, will I have the patience to listen to them and hear about their lives. I hope so. I truly do! And I'm sure I will slip back into an easy comfort zone with many people, but there will be others that time and distance won't be so easy to bridge over lunch and coffee. I guess that is the hazard of being an expat. Some relationships are solid for life, others come and go, and others dissipate.

Enough of the banter...onto the important stuff. Excluding people cause there's simply to many, here's a list:

Things I WANT to do/Places I WANT to go when I'm back at "home"

(does not include EVERYTHING and is in no particular order )

Norm's
NW Breakfast brunch 2-3x's (umm, so good!)
Unitarian Xmas Service
Make Xmas Cinnamon Rolls/Fudge/Cookies
Snowboard on Mt. Hood
Over-the-shoulder-boulder-holder shopping (desperate!!)

Costco
Eat Thai, Vietnamese, Mexican, Indian & Ethiopian Food
Dairy Queen
Bagels & Coffee
Brew Pubs--Movie & Good Beer
Rimsky's Raspberry Fool
Peacock Lane
Old neighborhoods
Chiropractor

watch a movie in the hot tub

watch a movie in the big chair with mom

take Max for a walk or 5

Boot Camp Aerobics

Fargo, ND (visit the fam--NOT THE PLACE)

meals at home (salmon & wild rice and AM eggs)

Grocery List:
Malt-o-meal/Cream of Wheat
Brown Cow Yogurt
Morningstar Chick Patties
brown multigrain bread

avocados
squash/zucchini
Odwalla juice
Shredded frosted mini-wheats
Pepper Jack Cheese