Three weeks ago I accidentally deleted my entire blog!
I discovered blogging last winter. And it didn’t take me long to decide that I too wanted to have a blog. Living in another country makes communicating with friends and family especially difficult. But not only do I enjoy sharing my experiences, I NEED to share them. It’s my way of processing my life experiences. I need the feedback, reaction, outside thoughts and comments. Communicating my experiences, ideas and thoughts to friends, family and whoever else is interested is really important to me. There are lots of people I want to stay in touch with, but snail mail is too time consuming. And email is easy, but usually it doesn’t facilitate effective communication. Either emails are quick and limited to a few sentences, or it’s super long and people feel too overwhelmed to respond. And I hate sending mass emails because I feel like I’m bothering people. A blog exists but it isn’t in people faces. People can look at it whenever they have the time or the inclination. They can be as much a part of my blog as they want. Most people read it and leave. Some people leave comments. Some people email me private comments. Some talk to me in person about it. Some never say a word about it. And that’s all fine with me.
But I blog is mostly for me. I haven’t kept a journal in Japan. I haven’t had time or the energy to sit down and write. But I wanted a space, time and reason to write about my experiences. And being able to share them is an added bonus. I enjoy writing; I enjoy thinking about what and how I want to share something with other people. Blogging gives me an excuse to take pictures of things I might not otherwise take pictures of and to sit down and write about something I might never otherwise write about. Having a public blog motivates me to reflect and share!
A blog exists only on a computer screen and on some server somewhere. It has no material value or existence. That’s why it’s great. You can access it from anywhere in the world and all the information is right there. But that is also its downfall. It exists only within technology. So if technology fails (or it’s user is incompetent), the blog also fails! That’s what happened in my case. The user was incompetent at using technology in a foreign language and fucked it up. And now the blog and all the recorded memories, thoughts, ideas, and stories are also gone.
Dead?
Lost?
Missing?
Misplaced?
Hidden?
Or are they?
Are they still alive?
Some traditions believe that art should be ephemeral, a brief moment in time. Art should be used and discarded. Art should be walked on. Art should be created and then destroyed. Art should be used and then thrown away. Is blogging an art? If creating something is art, then I guess it is. If the idea was once there, can it ever be gone for good? If the memory exists, can it really be lost if it’s no longer visible in cyberspace? One can loose a hat, or a shoe (in a rice paddy, perhaps?). You can loose your house in a fire. But your experiences, thoughts, and ideas can never be taken away from you. Even if they no longer exist on paper or on the computer screen, they existed at one time. They existed for you and they still can.
The day my blog was deleted, I cried. I didn’t eat. I texted my friends for sympathy. I emailed the support team for help (they still haven’t responded). All of a sudden my experiences in Japan had been erased, forgotten, and destroyed. As dramatic as it sounds (I have a tendency to be dramatic), I felt like a part of me no longer existed. But that’s stupid. My life and experiences here or anywhere can never be taken away from me. That’s one thing I can’t loose. I think that’s part of the reason I like traveling and doing new things. I know it will stay with me forever. Even if I loose my passport with all the cool stamps, I’ve still been to those countries!
Although, if my apartment went up in flames tomorrow, I’d grab my passport first! And then my computer (some of my blog entries are still there) and my savings! Everything else I could easily give up or do without. Even those things can be replaced, but I would hate to have to replace them. But all the other STUFF has very little emotional value to me. I’m trying to learn how to live more simply, I’m trying to learn to live on less money, and I’m trying to learn how to let go. Fortunately or unfortunately, material possessions are becoming easier and easier to let go (as I move more and more) but I’ll always have the stories and memories, either on my blog or in my memory (although I don’t have a particularly good one).
When I think back on my life, for the most part, I can’t remember what I got for my birthdays or Christmas. If I look at something in one of the many boxes I have stored in my parents shed, I might be able to tell you who gave it to me and when, but probably not. But if you get me going about a trip I’ve taken, people I’ve met or an adventure I’ve had, I can talk for hours. Some people prefer looking through the box; I prefer planning my next big adventure. I want more stories to tell!
Why do you blog?
What would you take if you apartment/house went up in flames?
What material object has the most emotional value for you?
On a lighter note....Hard Gay is taking over Japan. And not just late night cable paperview Japan. He is taking over primetime family hour! On any given day at my elementary schools or junior high schools, my students are mimicking the Hard Gay pelvic thrust and yelling "whooo."
