The Art of Compassion

A great man once said,
“If you want others to be happy, practice compassion.
If you want to be happy, practice compassion.”

That man is His Holiness the Dalai Lama, spiritual and political leader of Tibet. I have seen the Dalai Lama twice in my life. His infectious smile, his curiosity about other cultures, and his love of life, travel and adventure remind me of another great man, -- my Grandfather, Harold Iverson, or as I started calling him when I was one, “Pops.”

Pops was a man of compassion. He practiced this compassion in his skillful plumbing and woodworking and in trips cross-country to attend graduations and do home projects. He practiced compassion through insightful questions that he asked during international phone calls and in handwritten letters. Two weeks ago, when I slept in a bed next to him, he practiced compassion by watching the clock all night and ringing his bell at exactly 3:55am to make sure I wouldn’t oversleep and miss my flight, - - even though it meant we had to say our final good-byes. He was taking care of me while I was supposed to be on watch taking care of him. He was innately loving. It’s who he was.

This was especially evident through his acceptance of his family’s choices and the unconditional love and support he gave us. While I never doubted this, it was made evident to me 4-5 years ago when I was living in Japan. I received one of his hand-written letters, full of curious questions asking about the food I ate, how I managed with chopsticks, was I learning Japanese, and about the exorbitant price of watermelon. It also had family updates and the latest news from Pops’ and Marge’s garden. But this particular letter was special and one I’ll never forget. Pops wrote that he was proud of me for following my own path, for not feeling I had to follow societal pressures and norms. He was 100% supportive of my efforts to travel and see the world - - to follow my own dreams. He knew my path to happiness was my own and he honored me for being honest with myself.

There are many spoken and unspoken expectations in society. I have met some and not met others. I’m okay with that. Though my path is different, Pops never judged me and never questioned my choices. He only encouraged and supported me in my quest to find happiness. In our last hours together, Pops said, “As long as you are happy, go ahead”.

Our family has had its share of divisiveness, hurt, and pain, - - but as I reflect on Pops’ life and all that he stood for, I’ve learned a great lesson from him, that perhaps I will never master as well as he, ...the art of true compassion. I strive to follow his example and to honor the life he led; to be a more compassionate loving person in my own life each day.

The Dalai Lama said:

“Love and compassion are necessities, not luxuries.
Without them humanity cannot survive.”

Pops has just made his greatest journey. He leaves us with lots of stories and memories but more importantly the example he set--that compassion should sit at the core of one’s life. I’d like the rest of my life’s journey to be filled with the same spirit. - - Pops will always be with me, guiding the way.

The Biggest Journey

My grandfather just made the biggest journey of his life. He was adored by many and will be greatly missed. Thank you for the memories, the stories, the support and the unconditional love and compassion.

I love you Pops.

My mom wrote a wonderful account of our memories of him and his life on her blog: Woman...on the loose!