A room with a view

(Window picture taken in Tibet, 2007)

Orientation in Delhi was exciting, overwhelming, exhilarating and exhausting. It was too much information that left us with lots of questions. It was meeting engaging speakers and getting to know the very dynamic group of AIF fellows. It was boiled eggs everyday for breakfast and sitting on plastic chairs for 6 hours. It was two fancy dinners out with an open bar at Delhi’s most exclusive restaurants. And it was two weeks of constructing and reconstructing expectations of the coming months while being told not to have any expectations.

But is it really possible to expect nothing? I thought I was a blank slate of zero expectations. But apparently I wasn’t. At expecting ‘nothing’, I’ve failed. That doesn’t mean I’m disappointed with my experience thus far, I’m just adjusting to it and readjusting my expectations without creating too many more future expectations that may be unrealistic.

I expected to move into my flat immediately and set up house. It’s been almost a week, and I’m staying with my roommate’s family. The hospitality and the food are fabulous, it is so comfortable here, but I was hoping to have my own place by now. I expected my flat to have windows, air, light, a view of something—anything green, but it doesn’t. But I can (if I were staying there) walk to the Bay of Bengal in 15 minutes. I expected it to have running water all the time, but it doesn’t. I expected it to be clean, but there is garbage on the floor, moldy sheets in the corner, and stained pillows. Maybe the new fridge, stove and utensils were supposed to make up for what it was lacking. But honestly, my heart sank when I walked in and saw my new ‘home’.

The most frustrating part of the housing situation is being caught in the middle, trying to negotiate between all the different players, all who have their own opinions and ideas and don’t want to consider the alternatives. Local family members say the flat is unsafe and unhygienic (looks like we might have to pump corporation water), my NGO is convinced it is VERY safe, and I’m worried I’ll have a mental breakdown if I don’t have any light or air for 10 months. And to top it off, AIF wants proof of these things…intuition and our observation apparently aren’t enough.

I think the biggest adjustment of moving to India this time has been trying to manage my expectations, and adjust to scenarios I could not have expected. I’m trying to be okay with living in a dark hole, but ultimately it makes me really sad. Maybe posters, plants, and a few extra lamps will help. But I’m hoping we can pull out of the lease and find a brighter, cleaner and safer place—fingers crossed!

All that being said, I’m slowly feeling my way around my NGO. I can almost taste the project proposal and I’m excited about it. And while I know I’ll be busy in the coming year, the office is very laid back and flexible, but oddly enough, my office doesn’t have any windows either.

Looking for a room with a view--any view!